Mein Little Kind Lenni’le by Hans Christian Underdog
A short theatrical piece in which Freethepeeps, Indymedia UK administrator pulverizes Lenni’le Brenner, a Jewish Secular Fundamentalist. Mamma Brenner speaks from heaven. The clever old woman, a voice of Jewish wisdom, tries relentlessly to save her little progressive Kind, but as it seems, the infantile elder is determined to bring it all on himself.
The short play is based on a shocking documented exchange between an archivist Lenni Brenner and IM UK administrator Freethepeeps. It can be found here:
Mamma Brenner is a fictional character, however, she is rather cute, cool and adorable, it is impossible not to fall for her.
Mien Little Kind Lenni’le
Lenni’le is walking along the corridor that leads towards Freethepeeps’ office at Indymedia UK
Mamma Brenner:Mein Little Kind Lenni’le, we shouldn’t go there. We should never jump into a pool full with progressive Goyim. They have lately started to suss us out.
Lenni’le: Mammi’le, when are you going to grow up and recognize my talent and wisdom? I am the knight of the Mansheviks, the prince of the radical Jews. When people think progressive, it is me, your Lenni’le, who they have in their minds.
Mamma Brenner: You see my little revolutionary angel, your mamma knows how great you are, she knew it when you opened your adorable little blue eyes for the first time. But Mamma is not them, they’re different, Lenni’le. They have some kind of broad universal ideas in mind. They do not care solely about us anymore.
Lenni’le: Mammi’le, you tell me about them, I know it all, they are even worst than the Zionists, almost as bad as Hamas, which I will never recognise. But leave it to me, I know these leftists in Indymedia, I know how to handle them. Just watch me.
Mamma Brenner:Nu Shoin, you always do what you like, you always do.
Lenni’le knocks hard on the door a few times and without waiting, he opens the door and walks into the centre of the room.
Proudly and loudly he shouts:
Lenni’le: Hi Comrades.
Freethepeeps is taken totally by surprise.
Freethepeeps: Hello Lenni. I didn’t expect to see you in London, but I guess I know what brought you all the way from Brooklyn. However, just before we continue, I may suggest a few things: First, it’s just me in the room so you can skip the plural. Second, since it’s just me in the room and I ain’t deaf, you don’t have to shout. Third, can I say that right now I don't think you're any kind of comrade of mine?
Mamma Brenner: Oy vey, my little Lenni’le, this is not a good start, my cosmopolitan angel. You see, you and me and all our five Jewish progressive activists are totally convinced that we can get away with spreading these two and a half Bolshevik slogans that we don’t really understand. We maybe could trick all those lefty Goyim into total submission before, but today’s Goyim are different, they aren’t as stupid as they used to be. They see through us. And I tell you, they don’t like what they see. And the less they like, the more they feel guilty about it. I tell you Lenni’le, for one reason or other, they regard comradeship as a real universal brotherhood, something we have never managed to go for.
Lenni’le: Comrade Freethepeeps, Tony’le Greenstoin has alerted me to the fact that Indymedia UK has run material by Gilad Atzmon. I second Tony’le’s demand that Indymedia stop printing Atzmon's material.
Freethepeeps: Thanks for clarifying that it is a ‘demand’. I just wonder, don't comrades make requests, and respect the decision making process of the organisation they are making the request to? Instead of getting all their mates to pile in and make demands and threats and offer a little bit of abuse to boot!!! How many times have you hounded Atzmon on behalf of Tony Greenstein (who already told us he is doing it for Moshe Machover)? We should be told!
Mamma Brenner: Ouch, Lenni’le, my little cosmopolitan hero, this is going to hurt, we better leave now, it doesn’t look good. This Free the Piss or whatever he calls himself seems to know our dirty shtiks. I suggest we disengage right away.
Lenni’le: Atzmon, an Israeli who broke with Zionism, now calls himself an ex-Jew. Indeed he devotes much of his writing to denouncing leftist anti-Zionist Jews. Worse yet, he denounces us because we fight both Zionists and anti-Semites.
Mamma Brenner: Hoy mein Kind, why do you go there?! They know that we do not fight Zionism for real, we just pretend so the Jewish people look slightly better. You know what, it seems as if it does not work anymore. You may have to find a day job, my little progressive wizard.
Freethepeeps: Heh, you denounce him and he denounces you. Atzmon also denounces the kind of campaigning that you are engaged in on this list as part of a continuum of Zionist behavior I think. Don't you think that Zionist behaviour should be denounced? Heh, you both agree on something I think!
Do you remember writing this?
"Abraham Foxman, the Jewish Anti Defamation League’s national Director, is well and truly crazy, and for two reasons: 1) He libeled me and 2) he thinks he can get away with it.”
So, why are you behaving like your old foe the Zionist Abe Foxman now? And why should Atzmon not behave like you decided to?
You didn't like being smeared, and yet you willingly join in a campaign to demand the silencing of Atzmon. Do you feel good about that Lenni Brenner?
Mamma Benner: Oy oy oy Lenni’le, it didn’t take this Shmendrik Free-the-Schpritzen, or what ever he calls himself, long to see through us. Listen mein Kind, my little socialist idol, if this exchange makes it into public even Tony’le Greenstoin may realize that we are a joke. No, maybe I can’t go that far, but he might start waiting longer before he comes asking you to talk for all of us, as a historian and a Jew and a real leftist kind of thinking man, and you still need that, Lenni’le, don’t forget it.
Lenni’le: Listen to me Comrade Freethepeeps. In a 3/3/07 CounterPunch article, " From Esther to AIPAC,"
Atzmon cites "Marc Ellis... Adi Ofir... Lenni Brenner... Shraga Elam... Finkelstein," who write on the holocaust. He insists that
"Though they may be critical of different aspects of the exploitation of the Holocaust, they all accept the validity of the Nazi Judeocide and its mainstream interpretations and implications. Most of the scholars, if not all of them, do not challenge the Zionist narrative, namely Nazi Judeocide.... “
Freethepeeps: You're the historian, Brenner.
Mamma Brenner: Shhhh mein little Lenni’le, this Free-the-Peepzen thinks that you are a historian for real, he doesn’t realize that you are actually the Jewish answer to David Irving, you are a very great archivist, yet a very small historian. But I tell you, maybe, this yutzy Indymedia shmendrik doesn’t know that your books are out of print for years. He probably doesn’t even realize that except for you, Greesnstoin and me, no one really takes you seriously, not even Moisha’le Machover.
Lenni’le: Mammi’le stop poking sticks between my bagels. I need your support. The Jewish people need me and I need you.
Freethepeeps: So, here’s the obvious question for you Lenni. Do we know every single historical thing that there is to know about the Holocaust? Is there any other historical subject where history has all been verified - and where anyone who investigates it in a non-approved manner is going to be smeared by that field's equivalents of Abe and Lenni if they suggest dialogue?
Mamma Brenner : Can’t you see my little revolutionary angel, these anti-Semites are really starting to get tired of our tactics, let’s fly home, I’ll make you a cup of tea with sugar and lemon and bake for you a nice apple strudel mit cream, so you feel surrounded by Jewish secular progressive culinary sweetness.
Lenni’le: Mammi’le leave me alone, I am going to win here, I feel it, I know it, these Goyim in this Indymedia -Jones UK will do as we tell them. They always do. I am so prepared, look at me Mammi’le. I am going to serve this Free-The-Peepzen with a final and a fatal blow. After that he will understand that the left is our Jewish internal affair. He’ll even make Aliyah and join the IDF.
Listen to me you Freethepeeps, here is an Atzmon quote:
“not a single Holocaust religion scholar dares engage in a dialogue with the so-called 'deniers' to discuss their vision of the events or any other revisionist scholarship."
Does Indymedia believe that we should "dialogue with the so-called 'deniers' to discuss their vision of the events or any other revisionist scholarship"?
Freethepeeps: I would prefer to put it back to you. Is there any other field of history where no one is prepared to 'dialogue' with the "so-called 'deniers'?" Wouldn't a historian who knew that his case was absolutely watertight relish taking on a deluded fool and making mincemeat out of him?
What’s going on Lenni. I need a serious scholar of history to explain it all to me.
Mamma Brenner: Lenni’le mein Kind, can’t you see, our holocaust religion is falling apart, seems to me that we are not doing well here, schlecht, schlect! Let’s just call this Free-The-Pimps an anti-Semite and then ‘Foxman’s your uncle’, sorry Bob’s your uncle. We let Tony’le Greenstoin exhaust him to death and we take the first El Al out of here and go home. In Brooklyn, I’ll make you some gefilte fish and tsculent the way you like it, so you can relax a bit and even die in peace so no one notices how confused you had become. Mein little Kind Lenni’le, who loves you more than your own mammi’le?
Lenni’le: Mammi’le shhh, you really depress me, you bring me down Mammi’le. We are winning here, can’t you see? Look at me finishing off this arrogant man!
Tell me Freethepeeps, should Indymedia "dialogue" with Satan, I mean, David Irving?
Freethepeeps: I’ll tell you the truth Lenni. We're an alternative news service, not a bunch of “serious historians” like yourself and your highly esteemed colleagues, so the question doesn't have relevance. But of course, we don't like Irving at all. I've not read him either. Have you?
Mamma Brenner: Lenni’le, oy oy oy mein Gott, this loose cannon Freedom- Sheigetz starts to take the Mickey… what are we going to do, this time it looks as if an intellectual Shoah is embarking upon our people, Givalt.
Lenni’le: Back in the 50s, I was hospitalized with an infected liver.
Mamma Brenner: Hoy hoy hoy my Lenni’le why do you bring it up? I should have told you many years ago, nothing was wrong with your liver, it was the cauliflower above your shoulders, you were out to lunch for a while, you were sure that the civil rights movement was going to be all about you. So Pappa’le and Mammi’le who loved you so much left you in Sinai Meshighne House in Brooklyn for two weeks.
Lenni’le: Listen to me, Mr Freethepeeps, across from me was an elderly Jew. He was quiet until his family visited him. He would greet them with a Nazi salute and a hearty "Heil Hitler!" They didn't know what set him off, but something offended him and this was his way of punishing them.
Freethepeeps: And Atzmon is that man? Did this man’s family go on a campaign to have him silenced (or maybe thrown out of the hospital) in retaliation, Lenni?
Lenni’le: Can’t you see it? When Israelis break with Zionism, some go over to leftism, others convert to Islam or Christianity and some, as with Atzmon, develop their own mad form of fanaticism.
Mamma Brenner: Hoy vey, not a good move Lenni’le my little boy, can’t you see for yourself. They already know that we are the fanatics and this repulsive megalomaniac self-hater Atzmon is a ‘thought provoking’ scheigetz.
Lenni’le: We have nothing to discuss with Nazis, holocaust deniers or ex-Jewish crackpots who want us to discuss anything with such vermin.
Freethepeeps: yes, you are all exactly the same as Abe Foxman in that respect. So, is it now your position that Atzmon should be banished for ADVOCATING DIALOGUE? It sounds a little harsh to me. Talking about "having nothing to discuss with ex-Jewish crackpots", here’s a bit of history for you:
On February 2007 you yourself tried to communicate with Atzmon but seemingly he made you look like a fool. Apparently, Counterpunch Magazine was very delighted to put it up. Unless of course ….there is another Lenni Brenner out there. And it was him who wanted a dialogue with Atzmon in February 2007. Do you by chance know him? He even has the same email as you!
Mamma Brenner: Lenni let’s go now, I insist. I cannot see my Lennil’le Kind minced into microscopic kosher meatballs. I will ask Moisha’le Machover to come over with his car or even Tony’le Greenstoin to come in public transport, they should both schlep us to the airport, if not, I call a mini cab from Golders Grim. Let’s just get the foik out of here, we go to Heathrow and take the first El Al to Brooklyn and ‘Wolfowitz’s your uncle’. I’ll take you to Katz’s Kosher Delicatessenand buy you some nice chopped liver and chicken soup with lokshen and Schnitzel and tea with lemon…this Free-the-Pipzen is a disgraceful humanist, he is far too smart for us, it looks like he can see through us. I tell you my little working class and Jewish hero Lenni’le, you may have to eat a lot of matzah balls just to stop yourself from being so transparent.
Freethepeeps: I certainly have never seen a call from Atzmon for you lot to be ignored and banned. Is there anyone else you want us to denounce Lenni. To save you having to cross over the ocean to do it again?
Lenni’le: Listen to me, Mr Freethepeeps. No mincing words, no evasions, no hypocrisy. You have read Atzmon calling for such a mad dialogue. Do you agree with us? Yes or no? Are you ready to totally disentangle yourselves from him? Yes or no?
Freethepeeps: Answer my questions first please. I'm sure it will help me to make my mind up one way or the other. If we join in the denouncing, do you progressive anti-zionists have a handbook to help us become effective denouncers, or shall we just borrow a copy from Abe Foxman? Will it be the same one?
Mamma Brenner: You see Lenni’le I told you to disengage and you never listen. Now they all know that we are self loving crypto-Zionists, now they know we were working for Abe’le Foxman all these years and I tell you, Abe didn’t even pay the last bill. But at least they do not know how much we hate Islam and Arabs in general.
Brenner fills his chest with air, he stands up and shouts as loud as he can:
Lenni’le: For One Democratic, Secular Bi-National Palestine/Israel in a Socialist World…
Mamma Brenner: Hoy vey, hoy vey, hoy vey here it comes…
Freethepeeps, giggling politely to himself, reacts very quietl:y
Freethepeeps: Excellent news. I am impressed Lenni, I like the sound of that option. I'm just a little unsure about how you are going to persuade the Palestinians to see it your way. They kind of think that they have some right to be there on their own terms, and last time I looked they voted in some Islamic party that started with a H. Ha… Haaaa,,,, Haaaammmmaaa…..sssss (Hamas)… doesn’t ring a bell? Perhaps if you put them under serious pressure they'll see it your way?
Mamma Brenner: You see Lenni’le, now they know it all. In addition to our self loving we are also a bunch of Islamophobes. Why do we need it? Now you admitted that in spite of being this thing you call progressive, you do not even accept the way those Palestinians voted. They learn to read through us … Lenni’le we are finished, shoin let’s go home. I put you to bed and you can dream of yourself being a historian, cos clearly, as far as I can see, for this Free-the-Pitstop you aren’t even a piece of history.
Freethepeeps: Talking about Palestinians, Tony has suggested that part of the reason for needing to exile Atzmon is that he is damaging the Palestinian solidarity movement. Do you think, after wheeling in his tame serious historical scholar to back him up, he might now be presenting us with some eminent Palestinians to
cement the kill? Please excuse me if you find me a little less than deferential. It’s a very tiresome campaign that you guys are running, and frankly I find it very uncomradely.
If you don't answer the question, maybe some people will think you can't. Shit, they might even have to think of the answers themselves.
Mamma Brenner: Lenni’le my sweet handsome, cosmopolitan, progressive, elder, toddler, bambi mastermind, this feels like an end to me. All we need now is mercy and I tell you this Atzmon, in spite of him saying he’s some kind of an ex Jew, I am not so sure whether he is as merciful as he pretends to be. He may even start to get as vicious as we are. Don’t you forget he is still one of us.
I tell you Lenni’le mein Kind, on the way home, we may have to stop for a minute in the synagogue. I’m afraid that with the shit we brought on ourselves only God can help us now. And don’t you ever forget, God never leaves his people even when he leaves them.