Gilad Atzmon

jazz artist-world music-live dates-author-thoughts-Jewish Identity-Politics-Athens & Jerusalem-The Wandering Who? Being in Time

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Filtering by Category: Satire

The One Gay Solution

By Gilad Atzmon

http://www.deliberation.info/

The Moscow City Court upheld last Thursday a district court’s decision to ban gay parades in the Russian Capital for the next 100 years.  Not just one year, two years or even ten years, the court was pretty clear about it all-a century with no gay parades. Pretty sinister I would say.

As it seems Homosexuality is not very popular amongst  Russia’s political establishment. In 2007, Former Moscow Mayor Yury Luzhkov described attempts to hold a gay parade in the capital as “satanic.” In fact, no gay Parade has ever been officially permitted in Russia. Russian gays are heavily discriminated.  But they should never lose hope. In the last few days I have come up with a simple and  creative solution that would calm this rift down and may even bring peace to what is left of occupied Palestine.

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Alan Dershowitz on Tuba

By Gilad Atzmon

“Dershowitz is not only a remarkable liar and slanderer, but also an extreme opponent of elementary civil rights” Noam Chomsky

The following is an analytical yet amusing glimpse into the deceitful and psychological  nature of  Zionist propaganda as manifested by arch Zionist Alan Dershowitz.

Dershowitz wrote last week, “in a recent post, Atzmon said that he would be willing to play alongside David Duke. What a duet!”

This little insignificant anecdote brought a smile to my face because in my text I was actually positively considering joining a new healing musical adventure along together with Alan Dershowitz on tuba and David Duke on trumpet.

Here are my words, “I really do not understand why Alan Dershowitz believes himself to be morally superior to Duke.  Dershowitz is a Zionist Jewish supremacist, he is a world leading advocate of a racist and expansionist ideology, namely Zionism. And yet, I wouldn’t say NO to an invitation for a musical gathering along together with Dershowitz on tuba and Duke playing the trumpet, just because I believe that music brings people together.”

The text is plainly clear. There is no room for misinterpretation. It was not a ‘duet’ which I was willing to join but actually a ‘trio’ that would include Alan Dershowitz alongside David Duke. Dershowitz lied again. Instead of just politely declining and admitting that he is ‘no good’ on tuba, he followed once again his falsehearted tactics-first he put words in my mouth and then interpreted the words he himself invented.  “But that's exactly where Atzmon belongs,” wrote Dershowitz  - “in the company of neo-Nazis, Holocaust deniers, homophobes, misogynists, sexists and other bigots.”

If Dershowitz was an intellectual, which he isn’t or an artist which he certainly isn’t, one could have argued that this kind of behaviour suggests that the elder Zionist may live in a cute phantasmic solipsistic universe. If Dershowitz wasn’t aware of his deceitful actions, he could have been classified as a psychopath. But I actually, tend to believe that there is a certain level of awareness behind Dershowitz actions. And the conclusion is, indeed, very concerning, we are dealing with an inherently dishonest person, a ‘remarkable liar’, as Noam Chomsky describes him along together many other intellectual and humanists who have reached the same conclusion.

But why is he lying? Why is he doing it so often? Can he get away with it? Clearly not anymore, yet he wouldn’t stop. At this stage he cannot stop.

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Gilad Atzmon: Gaza Flotilla vs. Diaspora Jewry

The Israelis are preparing themselves for another massacre on the high seas.

This should not take us by surprise: after all, people who are detached from a true notion of history, and driven by a continuous fantasy of destruction, would be the last to draw a lesson from their past.

Earlier today I learned that The Israeli Public Diplomacy and Diaspora Affairs Ministry held a simulation practice, ahead of the Gaza flotilla: in the course of the exercise, Minister Yuly Edelstein formed a ‘special situation room’ that is designated to disseminate ‘public diplomacy’ on the internet ,via messages, 
photos, video clips and additional materials, with emphasis on Diaspora 
communities, Jewish organisations, and friends of Israel around 
the world.

Just in case you weren’t sure what the expected role of Diaspora Jews is, I guess that by now Minister Edelstein has provided the answer.

However, the most interesting part of the story is the detailed description of the flotilla simulation itself: the imaginary scenarios depicted by Minister Edelstein and the IDF provide a glimpse into Israeli collective psychosis.

“The exercise was based on a scenario in which approximately 500 activists on 
approximately ten ships reached Israel's territorial waters at 10:00,” says the Israeli document. 
”Despite having been warned by the IDF, the ships continued on their way. At 
10:30, the Israel Navy began approaching the ships. Stun grenades were 
thrown at the IDF soldiers, as well as one live grenade that caused a number 
of casualties to our forces.”

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Gilad Atzmon: Jewish Math

Ynet published yesterday an exceptionally stupid review of the economy behind the Iron Dome, Israel’s new anti missile defence system. The article attempts to present the ‘reasoning’ behind the new anti missile system. Believe it or not, it compares the running  cost of the system with the potential lost caused by the death of an Israeli.

“The Iron Dome system is very good for Israeli economy”, says Dr. Adam Reuter, a ‘financial risk management’ expert.  “A 25 year-old Israeli citizen should yield an average of 40 years of production … In other words, the death of an Israeli citizen at age 25 could cause a potential loss of economy of some 1.2 million dollars.”

According to Dr Reuter, the economy is pretty clear; the cost of a battery of Iron Dome which includes 100 missiles is about $100 million. The cost of each missile is about 50 thousand dollars.  Reuter logic is simple; if you spend $50.000 on a missile, you may save a young Israel who could potentially contribute 1.2 million dollars to the Jewish State’s economy for the next 40 years.

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Gilad Atzmon: John Galliano Must Be A Zionist

צילום: רויטרסLast Weekend the British press was very quick to tag John Galliano, one of the world’s leading fashion designers and Christian Dior’s chief designer, as a vile ‘anti Semite’.

The British and American  press reported that, in a Parisian bar, Galliano told a woman, whom he thought to be Jewish, that he ‘loves Hitler’ and that her parents should have been ‘gassed’. When the woman asked him ‘where are you from?’ Galliano replied: ‘Your ****hole’. I guess that Galliano referred to one of the woman’s orifices (probably the rectum, though I am not sure) rather than any Jewish sacred location around the world. The press also reported that Galliano unleashed some anti-Asian hate language towards a man in the bar, apparently the woman’s boyfriend.

I think that the conclusion is obvious. Galliano is not an ‘anti Semite’, he probably hates everyone equally at least as much as he loves himself. In case someone fails to see it, Galliano is actually a typical Zionist.  This is what Zionists are, they hate everyone equally, as much as they love themselves. They repel gentiles, the Germans, the Russians, the Poles, the Arabs the Muslims, The Palestinians, the Christians. You name it, they hate it. But at the same time they really love themselves. Galliano is an ordinary bigot, this is probably why the Zionists hate him so much. He reminds them of themselves.

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Gilad Atzmon: And What About the Sperm?

The Jewish state has decided; we let you be a Jew as long as you are willing to kill for us.

The Knesset recently passed a bill allowing the State to approve IDF conversions without the permission of the Chief Rabbinate.

Apparently this law has been approved today by Shas' spiritual leader Rabbi Ovadia Yosef, who has decided to legitimize all conversions performed in the Israel Defense Forces in recent years.

I guess that for some, it is much easier to become a Jew riding a Merkava Tank over a Palestinian village than learning Halakha law for seven years. 

Yet I am slightly confused. I also learned this week that  ‪‪Rabbi Dov Lior, another genius Talmud scholar,  announced that Jewish Law prohibits sterile couples from conceiving using non-Jew's sperm, as it causes adverse traits. According to Rabbi  Lior, a baby born through such an insemination will have the "negative genetic traits that characterize non-Jews.

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Gilad Atzmon: Wagner Again

 

Oi vey, an Israeli orchestra plans to play the music of this meshigine Wagner, whom  Hitler loved so much.

Wagner’s music is considered taboo in Israel, it is years since he made it to top 40’s in the Jewish state. Wagner  also held views that are far from being popular amongst Jews.  He once wrote that Jews were only capable of producing money-making music and not works of art. I guess that  Israelis do not like meshiges with an astute reading of the socio-economy  of the show business.

Wagner’s great-granddaughter Katharina had planned to visit Israel this week to officially invite the orchestra to perform the music at a Wagner festival in Bayreuth in southern Germany.  This  Shikze seems to believe in reconciliation and harmony.  She told the London Guardian that she wanted the Israeli orchestra to play at the German festival in an attempt to “heal wounds,”. What a silly move, once wounds of the past are healed, nothing would be left for the Jews to moan about. 

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Talking To The Wall

 

An old Jewish joke:

A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time. 

So she went to check it out.  She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site. 

 She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview. 

"Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN.  What's your name? 

"Morris Feinberg," he replied. 

"Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?"  

"For about 60 years." 

 "60 years!  That's amazing!  What do you pray for?" 

"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims.  I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop.  I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults, and to love their fellow man." 

"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?" 

"Like I'm talking to a fucking wall."

 

Moral: I guess that Israelis should stop talking to walls and start to talk to people around them. Alternatively, if they are brave enough, they can also take a look in the mirror. By the time they do that peace will prevail.

 

 



Strictly Dancing by Gilad Atzmon

Some Jews and Israelis seem to be rather jolly lately.

We recently encountered a glimpse of a Jewish family celebrating their survival of the Holocaust by exploring some different disco manoeuvres with the landscape of Auschwitz in the background.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5GIuv2PRjEU

I honestly think that nothing is categorically wrong about it. At the end of the day, Jews found many ways to deal with their past. Dancing is no doubt preferable to killing in the name of Jewish suffering.

IDF soldiers are also finding the time to dance when they are not murdering in the name of ‘Israeli security’.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UIrVofeRh0g

In fact, one possible interpretation is that the IDF’s dance routine was a form of protest against their army and terrorist state. I guess that we would all prefer Israeli soldiers to dance than kill. Regardless, if Israelis feel the urge to boogie they better do it in their own streets.

Yet,  Kosher Bollywood may be the way forward for the contemporary Jewish dancer

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ktQOLO4U5iQ

 

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Well Done Frankie Boyle!!! By Gilad Atzmon

Scottish hero comedian Frankie Boyle has accused the BBC Trust of cowardly behaviour.

Boyle published an open letter describing the situation in Palestine as "in essence, apartheid" and lamenting the fact that the BBC was "now cravenly afraid of giving offence and vulnerable to any kind of well-drilled lobbying".

 

Back in 2008 Boyle made an astute joke on BBC’s Radio 4 programme Political Animal. "I've been studying Israeli army martial arts. I now know 16 ways to kick a Palestinian woman in the back. People think that the Middle East is very complex but I have an analogy that sums it up quite well. If you imagine that Palestine is a big cake, well … that cake is being punched to pieces by a very angry Jew."

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Holocaust Tax Allowance by Gilad Atzmon

 

I do think that taking Tax from Jews is nothing less than Anti Semitism in practice. After the Holocaust and 2000 years of Jewish suffering we should accept that Jews have the right to hide some money from the tax authorities, just in case the horror repeats itself.

 The BBC reported today that A US watchmaker told the American court that he “hid $10,000,000 in a Swiss bank account because of ‘survival behaviour’  learned from the Holocaust”. The 65 year-old watchmaker, Jack Barouh, argued his secretive behaviour was motivated by his “fear as a Jew of persecution and sudden loss.” Indeed with 10 million dollars Barouh could barely survive; he could for instance, hire a private jet that would fly him anywhere in the world, he could settle in 5 star hotels in the most beautiful sea resorts, yet, no one could guarantee Barouh a constant supply of matzo balls and gefilte fish and this may well be the true meaning of Jewish fear.

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The Boomerang Effect By Gilad Atzmon

In case you didn’t know, in Britain the Holocaust is part of the National Curriculum. Thanks to the ‘The Holocaust Educational Trust’ our children are guaranteed to learn how bad the Nazis were. This is probably much easier for our kids to acknowledge than to look into the ways in which the embarrassing legacy of the British Empire reverberates throughout almost every contemporary disastrous conflict on this planet. It is deemed far easier for our kids to learn about Anne Frank than to absorb the fact that Britain is directly responsible for the robbery of Palestine and the Palestinian ordeal. Learning about Auschwitz is also far easier than accepting the devastating reality created by Britain’s latest illegal wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, a colossal crime which has cost more than 1.5 million innocent lives so far. Thanks to The Holocaust Educational Trust we can brush history and our current crimes aside. Learning about the bad Nazis is far easier on our children than learning about the complicity of Britain in the holocaust. I guess that toughening British immigration laws to stop Jews escaping to Britain in the 1930s is not a prominent chapter in our kids’ text books.
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Jewish Accessories by Gilad Atzmon

Ladies and Gentlemen welcome to the wonderful word of modern Jewish accessories.

If you want to know what contemporary Jewish identity is, you may like to check out what products are available for Jewish consumption.

 

 They Love it from Behind

Nationalist Jews  do love it from behind, at least as far as their cars are concerned.

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Why it takes so many Mossad agents to kill a Palestinian with a Pillow? by Gilad Atzmon

While in Britain, France, USA and Argentina the Mossad  enjoys the support of thousands of local Sayanim, Jews who are happy to betray their neighbours for their beloved Jewish state, when operating in Arab countries the Mossad  has to schlep its very many assassins and their assistants using different fraudulent methods.

Yet one may wonder why does it take 26 Mossad  agents to carry out a single murder of an unarmed Palestinian freedom fighter with a pillow*. I will try to throw some light on the puzzling question.

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Israel’s Iron Kipa by Gilad Atzmon

In English they call it the “Iron Dome” in Hebrew they call it the “Iron Kipa” which could also be translated as ‘Iron Skullcap’ or even ‘Iron Yarmulka’*. Seemingly the Israelis love to mix iron with God.  

The Iron Dome, Kipa or Yarmulka is the new Israeli guided missile system. It is there to stop  rain of rockets from falling over Sderot, Ashkelon or Tel Aviv.

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Kebab Philosophy By Gilad Atzmon

Published originally in 09/26//06

Five years of intense war against terror and Britain is far from becoming Islamophobic to the degree that Blair and his Zionist friends would have expected it to. Five years of Anglo-American war against Islam, it is actually British Jews who insist that there has been an alarming increase in Anti-Jewish feelings. More than one year after 7/7 the British public keeps refusing to endorse Blair’s distinction between ‘reactionary Islam’ and a ‘good’ kind.

Though the British Government, the Home Office and the security forces do everything they can to split the British society by spreading fear, maintaining intense pressure on British Muslims through legislation, raids, and the creation of some phantasmic terror alerts, the British people remain totally apathetic to Blair’s call. If anything, the Brits are now convinced that there is something wrong with Blair and that he is actually the dangerous one. They want Blair out of the picture. Interestingly enough, it was Blair’s fateful support of Israel’s murderous attack against the Lebanese people that happened to be the last nail in the Prime Minister’s coffin.

One may ask why the Brits fail to follow their Ziophilic PM.

Kebab is my answer, as simple as that. In the wee small hours, all you can eat in Britain is Kebab: Chicken Shish, Lamb Shish, Lamb Doner, Chicken Doner and Shwarma. Seemingly, it is at the Kebab places as well as small corner shops where Brits encounter the Muslim community. In most places it is a young Mediterranean or Asian male with a foreign accent who is there to take care of one’s needs. Medium or Large? He will ask, salad? Garlic sauce, chili sauce?

It isn’t a secret anymore, merging into Britain is assimilating into its cuisine. Balti cuisine is now ‘Britain’s National Dish’. Kebab is on the verge of replacing the old Fish and Chips shops all over the country. Gefilte Fish, how to say it, is still foreign terminology in English. You may find it on Israeli imported tins at the Kosher section at Tesco and M&S or in NW London but nowhere else.

Kebab, on the other hand, is now scattered all over Britain. You will find it in every high street. If you happen to visit a Kebab shop located in an Arab-populated quarter such as Edgware Road, you may even be lucky enough to get invited for a Shisha session. And this is basically it. Once you have had your Kebab settling in your belly, your mind embraces the Orient. It has actually nothing to do with the taste or the nutritional value of Kebab. It is actually the outcome of a fundamental metaphysical principal: ‘human beings happen to trust people who put food on their table’. You don’t trust, you don’t eat. And this is something that even Tony Blair hasn’t managed to change.

Ok, you may think to yourself, this explains why the British failed to follow Blair’s Islamophobic agenda, yet, it doesn’t explain the alleged ‘rise of Anti-Semitism’ .

Although British Gentiles do not rush to Blooms en masse, one may have to admit that in the wee small hours, Golders Green, the official London shtetle, is indeed buzzing. It is open for visitors. More than a few Jewish bakeries and bagel machers are selling their goodies. Yet, it is mainly members of the Jewish community who you find there. Unlike Edgware Road that has already become London’s No 1 late night cultural melting pot where everybody is hanging out either in Ranush, Maroush or Al-Dar, Golders Green is a Kosher social setting. If you happen to stop at Karmeli for a Burekas or a rogalah, the only people you meet there are big men with skullcaps hanging around with their Kosherly dressed spouses. Goyim do not feel welcomed at Karmeli, Tabun, Blooms or in any of the other Kosher delis around.

One may ask oneself where the Brits meet their Jewish fellow countrymen. Like in the case of Muslims, they probably meet them in very many places. In the arts, in the music business, in academia, in the hospital, in the market, in the financial world. The Brits meet many Jews and Muslims without even being aware of it. Yet the more interesting question to be asked is where Britons meet the ‘stereotypical Jew’.

First they meet him in the press, mostly in the shape of Zionists who happen to be the loudest (obviously) supporters of Blair’s criminal wars. The Zionist, a politically orientated Jew, insists upon presenting a phoney argument for violence in the name of humanism and democracy. He would advocate killing in the name of world peace. In short, he is the Neocon Ambassador to the UK. Considering the emerging colossal defeat in the War Against Terror as well as that in Iraq, it is rather obvious that some Jews are now regretting the early war mongering by their ideologically motivated brothers. Yet, it is exactly this initial manifested support for the war that makes Jews feel so unsafe in Britain at the very moment.

But obviously it isn’t the press alone, in fact the Brits have a clear image of the ‘stereotypical Jew’. ‘The Jew’ is by now an image of a very gifted, shrewd and skilled man. ‘The Jew’ is the one you need when you consider buying a new home but lack the necessary funds to do so. ‘The Jew’ is the one you need to speak to when you seek a mortgage broker who knows how to ‘build a financial portfolio’ and ‘curve the sharp corners’. When the Briton needs to sort out his inland revenue bill, it is again ‘The Jew’ accountant that at least stereotypically, does it better than anyone else. When the Brit needs some legal aid it is again ‘the Jew’ who possesses the reputation for the most appropriate qualities.

At least stereotypically, ‘the Jew’ is there to do the things the Briton hesitates doing on his own. Surely this shouldn’t be a problem. 'The Jew’ has an established role in British society. He is there to trace the legal loopholes, to teach you how to save on your taxes, how to work less and earn more. He’s there to set up your ‘off-shore bank accounts’, to help you win a legal case even when you yourself aren’t so sure you deserve such a victory. Stereotypically at least, ‘the Jew’ is the ultimate in shrewdness and this is exactly where the Jewish modern tragedy starts. The better the job ‘the Jew’ is doing on your behalf, the less highly you think of him as a fellow human being. The more successful he is at winning your case, the less trustworthy he becomes. The better he serves you, the less you want him to be your friend.

Once the Britons had been pulled into the Zionist inflicted Judeo-Islamic conflict and were asked to take sides, it was the Kebab boy rather than the accountant who happened to win their hearts. Seemingly, it is the young struggling foreign man, who unpretentiously makes a living that finds his way, accepted into British society, while modern ‘Nathan The Wise’ is fading into an inevitable social detachment.

But ‘Kebab philosophy’ doesn’t stop there, it goes at least one step further: It is an established fact that Britons are basically a bunch of devoted holiday makers. What they really love is just to fly away. They love to be close to the sun and as far away as they can from ‘London’s congestion charge’. But in order to do so, they first have to visit the airport terminal. Once in the terminal already on their way to the Duty Free, the Brits are stripped of their drinks and they are asked to take off their shoes as well. It occurred to me a few days ago, that just their holding their shoes in their hands, stripped of alcohol, marching triumphantly and cheerfully in stocking feet, the Brits resemble Muslims entering a mosque in Kabul, Baghdad or anywhere else. No doubt, due to their PM’s recent wave of colonial Zio-centric zeal, the Britons are now adopting some deep and meaningful Muslim rituals. But how to say it, while Muslims take off their shoes out of respect to Allah, the Brits take theirs off out of respect to Bin Laden, Al Qaeda or any other CIA fictional terror network. What can I say? I better confess, Tony, if this is what you had in mind, you may have been on the right track all the way through. If this is indeed the case we may ask you to stay in office forever.

Cartoon by Ben Heine

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