Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Moisha'le's New Suit
by Hans Christian Underdog
NOT THAT MANY years ago, at the hub of the Kosher Palestinian solidarity cyber ghetto lived a Marxist emperor named Moisha?le, who thought so much of new clothes for the progressive cosmopolitan chosen people that he spent all his time in trying to obtain them; his only ambition was to make his very people look as important and righteous as he mistakenly believed himself to be. But in fact, he did not truly care for his two and a half obedient Gefilte soldiers, and the Palestinian reality did not bother him either. For instance, he believed that as far as the Palestinian struggle is concerned, fighting anti-Semitism was a major priority. For him, starvation in Gaza or the emerging involvement of Zionists in the American imperial wars were something that one should not even bother to mention in any significant way. For every event and occasion emperor Moisha?le had a ready-made proletarian thought to offer. And as one would say of a king ?He is in his cabinet,? so one could say of him, ?Moisha?le was well imbued is in his red light kosher haven philosophy.?
The great city where he resided was very gay as well as gray; everyday many strangers from all parts of the globe arrived (mainly with Ryanair and some other budget air lines). One day, two Zionist swindlers came to this city; so clever were they that they managed to convince their tribal brothers that they were advanced thinkers. They declared that they could manufacture the finest and ultimate liberal progressive thought that would make the Kosher progressive anti-Zionist imposters look as great as they foolishly believed themselves to be. Their ideological revelations, they claimed, not only were exceptionally beautiful, but they also possessed the wonderful quality of being visible only to men with reason and clever people in general.
?That must be a wonderful concept,? thought Moisha?le to himself. ?If I were to be ideologically dressed in a such an abstract ideology made by these progressive ideological wizards, I should be able to find out which men in my shrinking empire were unfit for their places, and I could distinguish between the ?clever? politically-correct liberal progressive cosmopolitans and the stupid ordinary humanists who expose Jewish power relentlessly, courageously and against all odds.
?I must have this ideological tool woven for me without delay.? And he gave a large sum of Matzah balls to the Zionist swindlers, in advance, so that they should set to work without any loss of time. Within a day, the swindlers set a powerful think tank in the heart of the ghetto, and pretended to be very hard at work, but, in fact, they did nothing whatsoever except eat their Matzah balls.
?I should very much like to know how they are getting on with the project,? thought Moisha?le the progressive emperor. But he felt rather uneasy when he posited that should he be lacking in the cleverness he was convinced he had, he would never be able to adopt the abstract progressive thought and the entire investment would go down the drain.
?I shall send my No 1 dishonest old minister Mr. Tovy Greencard to these think tank wizards,? thought the emperor. ?He can judge best how the stuff looks, for he is a hyperactive petty criminal with an astonishing record in intimidation and nobody understands where he comes from at least as much as he doesn?t.?
The good old Tovy went into the room where the Zio swindlers sat in front of their Intel powered Mac-Hover laptops, presenting the new ideological thought that the emperor had elaborated. ?Heaven preserve us!? he thought, and opened his eyes wide, ?I cannot see anything at all,? but he did not say so. Both swindlers requested him to come near to the computer screen to watch the 3D presentation, and asked him if he did not admire the exquisite ideological cosmopolitan pattern emerging in front of his eyes. Gazing bewildered at an empty computer screen, poor old Tovy tried his very best, but he could see nothing, for there was nothing to be seen.
?Oh dear,? he thought, ?can I be such a stupid humanist as well as a traitor of my people that I cannot see a thing?? ?Yep Tovy, you are stupid, but it has nothing to do with humanism, you are just stupid like no other? the inner voice he denied seemed to be whispering to him. ?Is it possible that I am not fit for my office?? ?What office Tovy?? Wondered the inner voice, ?You do not really have an office. You are just an imposter, just stop dreaming for Godssake.? ?No, no, I cannot say that I was unable to see the truth.? ?Don?t worry Tovy, no one ever expected you of all people to tell or even to see the truth,? said the inner voice before it faded away.
?Now, have you got nothing to say?? said one of the swindlers, while he pretended to be busily contemplating.
?Oh, it is very eloquent, exceedingly thought provoking,? replied old Tovy, rolling his eyes to the ceiling. ?What a huge intellectual revelation! What a small effort for the Jewish progressive people yet a giant step for humanity, I shall tell the emperor that I like it very much.?
?We are pleased to hear that,? said the two ideological wizards and showed him his way to the door.
Now the swindlers asked for more money, so they could buy some fresh Gefilte Fish and Chopped liver, which are apparently a necessary ingredient for the maintenance of the Jewish working class ideology enthusiasm.
Soon afterwards, the emperor sent his second best obedient soldier, this time it was Markus Gatekeepstein, the notorious minister in charge of belligerent Jewish frontiers Policie. Gatekeepstein rushed to the thought provoking weavers to see how they were getting on. Like elder Tovy, slightly younger Gatekeepstein looked and looked, but could see nothing, as there was nothing to be seen.
?Is it not a beautiful piece of Kosher ideological cosmopolitan delight?? asked the two swindlers, showing and explaining the magnificent model, which, however, did not exist.
?I am not a stupid anti-Semite,? Gatekeepstein thought to himself in an attempt at his own reassurance. ?And yet I cannot see a thing. It is very strange, but I must not let anyone know it.?
By then, everybody in the whole shtetle talked about the newly emerging precious working class cosmopolitan ideology. At last Moisha?le the emperor wished to see it for himself. With a number of elder courtiers, including the two ministers who had already been there, he went to the two clever swindlers, who now pretended to work as hard as they could, but without producing a thing.
?Is it not magnificent?? asked the two statesmen who had been there before. ?Your Majesty must admire the proletarian shapes and the three dimensional eloquence.? Once again it is going to be us, the progressive Jews who are going to save the world, or at least what is left of it due to our previous religious like grand theory. They pointed to the empty computer screens, for they imagined the others must have seen something there.
?What is this?? thought Moisha?le the emperor, ?I do not see anything at all. That is terrible! Am I stupid anti-Semite? Am I unfit to be emperor of the Jewish progressive anti-Zionist clique? That would indeed be the most dreadful thing that could happen to me.?
?Really,? he said, turning to the ideological weavers, ?your presentation has our most gracious approval,? for he did not like to say that he saw nothing. Doing so would obviously reveal that he isn?t as clever as he must have known he wasn?t.
All his attendants, who were with him, looked and looked, and although they could not see anything more than the others said, like the emperor, ?It is very beautiful. Once again it is us, the socialist chosen people who are going to lead the world working class struggle and Palestinian liberation in particular.? Some reports were heard that everybody seemed to be delighted, and the emperor awarded the Zionist swindlers with a fake golden Mazal Tov medal.
The whole night previous to the day on which the International Palestinian Solidarity Congress (kindly sponsored by the Jewish Chronically-ill) was to take place, the Zionist swindlers pretended to work, and burned more than sixteen Judeocide memorial candles. By thus burning the special midnight oil, people could see that they were busy finishing the emperor?s new ideological suit.
The emperor and all his barons then came to the hall; the swindlers held a blank CDrom as if it contained something and said: ?This is for the working class! This is for the friends of the Kosher socialists around the world? as if they had any friends. The swindlers obviously knew well enough that Jewish Marxists reserve themselves a special place amongst the world proletariat.
?Does it please your Majesty?? asked the swindlers, and Moisha?le approved confidently.
The master of the Palestinian Congress, himself an atheist and cosmopolitan announced that the bearers of the new future for Palestine and the planet are ready to share their vision.
?Ready indeed,? said emperor Moisha?le preparing himself to reveal what he hoped would evolve into a new worldwide religion.
At the congress, old Tovy Greencard and Markus Gatekeepstein were handing out blank flyers, then Moisha?le the emperor marched into the hall, and all who saw him, even before the emperor opened his mouth, excitedly shouted, ?our emperor?s new Ideological suit is incomparable! What a vision! What a vision, new birth to our progressive socialist affairs!? Nobody wished to let any of the others know that he saw nothing from the emperor and his alleged agenda, for then he would have been unfit for his office or be seen too stupid to fight the right war. Never was an emperor?s new ideology more admired.
?But he has nothing on at all to offer, the emperor is shooting blanks,? screamed young Jihad Abu Az Zaman. ?There is no ideology, and there is no vision.? ?Good heavens! listen to the voice of an innocent man,? shouted an anonymous Sun reader who happened to support the Palestinian rights struggle for real. And then Jihad said, ?The Emperor is naked, he has nothing to say, has never had anything to say. The emperor and his tribal brothers are nothing but imposters.?
Greencard and Gatekeeperstein looked confused, they rushed to save their emperor, But by the time it was over, once they arrived at the crown everyone in the hall, including emperor Moisha?le, realised that Jihad was right. There was no ideology and there has never been one, just a pretence that suits some for a while.
Moisha?le knew it all but he thought to himself, ?Now I must bear up to the end.? Bear up to the very bitter end, as lonely as I happen to be, it was me who brought it all on myself. Emperor Moisha?le carried himself for a bit more and then kept behind closed doors for the rest of what was left of his futile life.
Moral: Never let anyone called Jihad or anything that may sound similar anywhere near a Palestinian solidarity gathering.
February 15, 2007
"Are You a Christian?"
"Do I Look Like the Pope?"
An Exchange Between Lenni Brenner & Gilad Atzmon
Brenner to Atzmon
Hi Gilad,
People tell me so many things about you, that I decided to get some answers straight from the horse's mouth, as we Yanks say.
Are you a Christian? Was Jesus human only, or divine in whole or part? Was he the messiah? Is he coming again? Do you accept the New Testament as divinely inspired?
Did you write:
"I would suggest that perhaps we should face it once and for all; the Jews were responsible for the killing of Jesus who, by the way, was himself a
Palestinian Jew. But then two questions should be asked:
1 - How is it that people living today feel accountable or chased for a crime committed by their great great ancestors almost 2,000 ago? I assume that those Jews who get angry when blamed for killing Jesus are those who identify
themselves with Jesus's killers. Those who would commit this murderous act today. Those Jews are called Zionists and they are already advancing into their sixth decade of inhuman crimes against the Palestinian people and the Arab world.
Zionism, for those who do not know, is a repetition of the darkest age of the Jewish Biblical era."
Does any living Jew have any responsibility for Jesus's death? Am I responsible? Do I have to atone for his death? Do I have to accept that he rose from the dead?
Thanks, in advance, for your time and trouble in this regard,
Lenni
BrennerL21@aol.com
New York, February 9, 2007
Atzmon to Brenner
Hi Gilad,
Lenni: People tell me so many things about you, that I decided to get some answers straight from the horse's mouth, as we Yanks say.
Gilad: Hi Lenni, I do appreciate it!
Lenni: Are you a Christian?
Gilad: Not that it is your business (in case you didn't know, Christianity is not pedophilia, it is allowed these days), however, I am an ex Jew. I didn't formally join any organised religion and this includes: Islam or Christianity as well as your UK Bundist friends' version of Talmudic Marxism (a religion rather than an ideology).
Lenni: Was Jesus human only, or divine in whole or part?
Gilad: What a pathetic question Lenni. How am I supposed to know? Do you know? Having been trained in philosophy, I will try to help you to refine your question. What you want to ask is whether I BELIEVE that Jesus was divine.
My answer, Mr. Brenner, is very very simple. I do not engage in questions having to do with divinity. And my own belief is irrelevant because I am not religious. Yet, I do respect the FACT that very many people around me believe that Jesus was divine. Unlike you and your UK friends, I do respect other people's beliefs. In fact I respect any form of spiritual activity. I admire people who are inspired by divinity. I admire Torah Jews, who are the only noticeable Jewish collective resistance to Zionism. In case you ask yourself where I find divinity, my answer is very simple: Coltrane, Stravinsky and Bach, but this changes often.
Lenni: Was he (Jesus) the messiah? Is he coming again? Do you accept the New Testament as divinely inspired?
Gilad: Lenni, do I look like the Pope? How am I supposed to know whether Jesus was the Messiah? Again, do you know the answers? My affair with Jesus is rather metaphysical. I regard Jesus as a critical ethical awakening. For me Christ is all about loving your neighbour. Jesus is the birth of western universal humanism (as we know it). Following Hegel, I am inspired by the notion of Otherness, and 'Master Slave Dialectic'. However, the notion of Otherness is nothing but Christ's heritage. I suggest that you think about it for a while.
I would like to mention as well that your dismissal of Christianity and religion in general is rather disconcerting. However, without me being Christian, I must insist to remind you and your half a dozen UK followers that the days when Jews chased Christians are over.
Lenni: Did you write:
"I would suggest that perhaps we should face it once and for all; the Jews were responsible for the killing of Jesus who, by the way, was himself a Palestinian Jew. But then two questions should be asked:
1 - How is it that people living today feel accountable or chased for a crime committed by their great great ancestors almost 2,000 ago? I assume that those Jews who get angry when blamed for killing Jesus are those who identify themselves with Jesus's killers. Those who would commit this murderous act today.
Those Jews are called Zionists and they are already advancing into their sixth decade of inhuman crimes against the Palestinian people and the Arab world.
Zionism, for those who do not know, is a repetition of the darkest age of the Jewish Biblical era."
Gilad: Yes indeed, these are my words and I stand by them.
Lenni: Does any living Jew have any responsibility for Jesus's death?
Gilad: Lenni, did you lose your capability to grasp a very simple text? I would really like you to present just how my text implies that I accuse contemporary Jews for killing Christ or for being responsible for it. In fact the text says the complete opposite. I ask: "How is it that people living today feel accountable or chased for a crime committed by their great great ancestors almost 2,000 ago?" In other words, I find it astonishing that people today happen to be offended by such accusations.
Lenni: Am I responsible? Do I have to atone for his death? Do I have to accept that he rose from the dead?
Gilad: Lenni, do I look like a shrink? I really leave this question to you. It is you who should answer whether you 'feel' responsible or not. By no means does my text imply that you or anyone else is responsible. The text says that those who are offended are "those who identify themselves with Jesus's killers. Those who would commit this murderous act today." "Accordingly, it is you who should ask yourself whether you would commit such a crime today.
Once again, you may want to refine your question. The question you want to ask is whether I BELIEVE that you are responsible.
No is the answer. I don't BELIEVE that you are responsible; moreover I KNOW that you are not responsible. Nevertheless, my text implies as well that you MAY not be as innocent as you wish to be.
In my text I stress that "I assume that those Jews who get angry when blamed for killing Jesus are those who identify themselves with Jesus's killers. Those who would commit this murderous act today."
Seemingly, you are 'angry', you feel accused of something without even being accused of anything. On the face of it, the question you have to ask yourself is whether you identify yourself with Christ's killers? I am pretty sure that you don't and you shouldn't be. However, I must tell you that the cyber kangaroo courts that you and your friends hold on a daily basis reminds me too much of the Sanhedrin. I suggest that you think about that as well for a while.
Somehow you and those like you know what is good for the Palestinians, the Jews, the working class. I occasionally ask myself what it is that makes you so confident. You and your followers indeed have managed to silence some of the most interesting intellects around just because you do not approve their politics or religion. I am afraid to inform you Lenni, that these days are over. Your six UK disciples are working day and night for more than three years doing their very best to silence me, I am afraid to tell you that they fail. In fact they achieve the opposite instead.
I do not feel sorry for them because they have really zero reputation to defend. But I really feel sorry for you Lenni. You are an important contributor to the Israeli-Palestinian discourse. Your books are more than valuable. You have a reputation to defend. I would like to see you in the midst of the discourse rather than surrounded by the last shadows of echoes of tribal socialism.
Just before closing this email I will sharpen the differences between us.
Unlike you Lenni, I believe in freedom of speech. Unlike you Lenni, I am against gatekeeping, I am also against any form of dogmatic or monolithic discourses of hegemony. Unlike you and your friends, I believe that every human subject is entitled to human rights. Unlike you Lenni, I approve of the Hamas. Unlike you Lenni, I understand that working class politics has very little relevance in Arabia.
Yet, I have never tried to silence anyone, on the contrary. I will fight for your right to speak your mind.
Lenni: Thanks, in advance, for your time and trouble in this regard,
Gilad: It was my entire pleasure.
All the best
Gilad
atzmon@mac.com
London, February 11, 2007
5? ?http://peacepalestine.blogspot.com/2006/08/gilad-atzmon-wailing-wall-martyr.html
Friday, August 11, 2006
Gilad Atzmon - The Wailing Wall Martyr Brigade: Jewnetic Engineering
As the Israeli Army buries its dead in what seems to be a war that the Jewish State can never win, we happen to learn from a high official within the Pentagon that Israel is about to make use of what seems to be its ultimate devastating weapon. We also have discovered that the recent French-American diplomatic push for a UN Security Council Resolution calling for an immediate cease-fire is there to postpone the deployment of this new weapon, preventing Israel from dragging the world into a new horrifying phase of warfare, with results whose outcome cannot be predicted.
According to the Pentagon official, who asked that his identity not be revealed for obvious reasons, in a private telephone call between the Israeli Foreign Minister Mrs Tzipi Livni and the American Secretary of State Ms Condoleezza Rice, Livni confessed that as an act of despair, Israel is left with no recourse but the immediate deployment of its entire WW Martyr Brigade, (code name for the new weapon). Though Ms Rice initially attempted to persuade Livni to avoid undertaking such a reckless action, our foreign reporters near the Israeli border with Lebanon already confirmed that such deployment is already taking place.
As the news keeps filtering in from the battlefield, we hear more and more about weirdly shaped Israeli combatant platoons popping out of some large armoured containers that look very much like oil tankers. Sky Fox, our correspondent in Kiryat Shmone has been reporting for days that the new Israeli platoon looks like nothing he has ever seen before. In one of his latest reports he argued that the new Israeli warrior looks very much like a heavily armoured giant penis. As the details emerge at a steadier rate, we now realise that the WW Martyr Brigade refers to Israel?s most secretive units: the ?Wailing Wall Martyr Brigade?. In the last 24 hours we have learned as well that WW martyr commandos are already operating deep within Lebanon, and even north of Beirut destroying Katyusha launchers and Hezbollah infrastructure.
Dr. Moishe?le Heritage of the Negev University?s History Department told us that already in the early 1950?s Shimon Peres, then a young politician closely related to Ben Gurion, brought the attention of the Israeli Government to a scientific study by the famous Jewish Harvard biologist Prof. Willy Short. The scientific work explored the varied possibilities of cloning and transformation of isolated human tissue into functional operating human subjects. With the academic approval of Prof. Short, Peres advised the Israeli government that the Jewish State could clearly benefit from genetically cloning tons of foreskins that are usually binned after the Brit Mila ceremony (a Jewish tribal blood ritual still very common amongst Jews both religious and secular). Peres and his team had found out that more than 7.8 tons of Jewish foreskins were being disposed of every month. Totally inspired by Short?s research, Peres realised already then in the 1950?s, that tons of fresh Jewish DNA penis waste could be transformed into battalions of young Jewish platoons, sailors, pilots and Mossad agents. Yet, while in his research Prof. Short insisted that it was only just a question of time before genetic engineering would allow standard technological practice of such nature, Ben Gurion, the Israeli PM at the time, decided to explore Short?s different scientific and technological ideas without delay.?
Within days Israel allocated 15% of its annual budget towards a major scientific laboratory known as Jewrassic Scientific Park near Kfar Giladi. Within less than a month, a team of leading Jewish scientists including Dr Doovid Little (Doolittle) from Oxford. The Swedish zoologist Prof Pipi Chopsky and even the world renown Berkley physicist Prof Dick Cutoffvitz were recruited. Together with Prof Willy Short they all made Aliyah, settling in the North of Israel and helped create the Jewrassic Scientific Park, turning it into the secret core of Jewish power and the bank of some infinite Jewish human resources.?
Not many people know, but even El Al, the Israeli commercial airliner that seems to be an innocent air carrier specialising in serving Kosher food as high as 30,000 ft. in altitude, is in fact operating under the direct control of the Jewrassic Park Headquarters. Seemingly, El Al?s primary national mission is to deliver live foreskin stock from the Diaspora to the scientific park in Northern Galilee. Each of El Al?s Boeing jets is equipped with a large refrigerated compartment made especially for transporting deeply frozen tiny live tissue segments.?
While the Jewrassic Scientific Park started to operate as a research plant already in the early 1950?s, it wasn?t until 1956 that the first ?Motherless Jewish Soldier? was born. Though in its early days the Scientific Park managed to produce one soldier a month at the very most, nowadays, in peak production, with the development of genetic engineering and other new technologies, it can clone a paratrooper division within days. In other words, Israeli military livestock is basically unlimited not to say infinite. Yanka?le Schwantz from the Scientific Park told us that ?with the ?Motherless Soldier? in mind, for the first time in our Jewish history, Israel is not afraid of large scale casualties amongst its combatant soldiers.??
According to an official Israeli unofficial source, the deployment of the Wailing Wall Martyr Brigade is taking the Hezbollah by complete surprise. Jihad Abu Az Zamman, the self-appointed Hezbollah spokesman from London, confirmed that Israel is indeed changing its tactics: ??the Israelis are currently deploying thousands of its soldiers against each of our heroic Guerrilla fighters. While in the past Israel was proud handling a war of ?a few against very many?, now things are turning the other way around. It is our Hezbollah warrior who single-handedly defeats divisions and brigades of Israeli cowards.? Israeli Defence Minister Amir Peretz confirmed already over a week ago that Israel is putting on the battlefield some new tactics and strategies it has never before used. We are now guessing that it was the WW Martyr Brigade and the deployment of massive Israeli military forces he was referring to.?
We have learned as well from the Israeli source that some of the early Jewrassic clones made it into the Israeli high command and beyond. There is some gossip in Israel that Dan Halutz (Daniel Pioneer) is actually the first foreskin embryo to see the light of day. When Dan was eighteen he joined the Israeli Air Force, he was indeed one of Israel?s best pilots ever and it didn?t take long before Dan became the Air Force commander and later the IDF Chief of Staff. Yet it is probably Dan Halutz?s Jewrassic past that may explain why the Israeli Major General behaves and looks like a dickhead.?
Just before closing this news update it is rather crucial to mention that the international scientific community is taken by shock at the devastating news from Israel. ?Using science and genetic engineering to spread violence is unforgivable,? said yesterday PhD Adolph Dove from the EU Dogwatch for Science and Ethics. ?Baaa?? was the immediate reaction of Dolly the Scottish heroic scientific clone. Jewish anti-Zionists around the world are outraged as well. We learned just minutes ago that two of the most famous British Jewish ethnic campaigners, Tony Trans and Roland Greenpiece plan a huge protest in front of London?s Israeli Embassy next Friday. ?I want my Foreskin back,? shouts Greenpiece. ?Using my DNA against the innocent Lebanese people without my approval is nothing but an utter war crime,? cries out Tony Trans. On the other hand, more than a few Christian Evangelical Americans already contacted the Jewrassic Park toll-free number and offered to donate their testicles in support of the ?Israeli war effort?. We have learned from Yossi Bollox that Jewrassic Park has politely rejected the kind Evangelicals due to some obvious racial purity reasons.
We will be following this developing story and keeping you informed.
http://www.dissidentvoice.org/Aug06/Atzmon08.htm
Operation Security Roof
A Developing Story
by Gilad Atzmon
www.dissidentvoice.org
August 8, 2006
Following the IDF difficulties in defeating Hezbollah?s and Hamas?s ballistic warfare, the Israeli Government is now searching for contractors with some advanced experience in large scale reinforced concrete constructions. The mission ahead is the building of a solid concrete roof over the entire Jewish State (known as ?Greater Israel?). PM Ehud Olmert is determined that the only way to defend Israel?s populated area is to cover the Jewish State with a thick layer of iron and cement.
The Israeli Government?s decision to build a concrete roof followed a considerable debate within the cabinet. Defense Minister Amir Peretz insisted that a massive extension of the current Security Wall would be enough to provide the goods. Peretz maintained that a substantial increase of the wall to the height of 90,000 ft. would be more than sufficient to stop missiles from entering Israeli territory. Peretz sensibly argued that Israeli youngsters would benefit from seeing the blue sky when they raise their eyes above. Prime Minister Olmert and the Chief of Staff, Major General Dan Halutz, couldn?t agree less. Being fully aware of the nature of ballistic warfare, both Halutz and Olmert agreed that the only way to provide the Jewish State with the ultimate security is to cover it from above with a reinforced concrete shield. Shimon Peres, the legendary peace enthusiast, offered a compromise inspired by the idea of a trampoline. Peres suggested that a Security Wall?s 90,000 ft. extension made of an elastic net would do the job. The elder statesman argued that an elastic net will guarantee that every Arab missile aimed at Israel would bounce back to the Arab territory once it hits the net. Olmert and Halutz dismissed Peres?s suggestion. They argued that considering the excessive Israeli usage of artillery and missiles against its Arab enemies, the Jewish State would suffer far more from the erection of such a ?bouncy net.? ?Israel,? said Halutz, ?would never survive the extent of its fierce artillery barrages bouncing back on itself.?
In a press conference following the heated cabinet debate, Government spokesman Mr. Zion Zioni stressed that, ?following the total success of the Security Wall in stopping Palestinian suicidal terror, a ?Security Roof? is obviously the natural way to proceed.? Mr. Zioni maintained as well that the new Israeli project will turn the Jewish State into a ?sealed Jewish Bunker.? ?In fact,? Zioni emphasized, ??Operation Security Roof? brings the Zionist adventure into its final destination. We are now moving from the ?Iron Wall? phase into the ?Concrete Roof? future. With a reinforced concrete ceiling from above, a Security Wall in the East and the Mediterranean Sea in the West, the Jewish State will eventually become the safest haven for world Jewry. Herzl?s dream comes true. Long Live Israel!?
Yet, some technical difficulties lay ahead. Probably the most crucial problem has something to do with breathing. Like the rest of the humankind, the Israeli people consume oxygen and release carbon dioxide. Apparently, the Israeli cabinet Ministers were made aware of this very crucial fact by the Health Minister. Olmert, being a man of action, responded immediately. Already in the cabinet meeting he authorized the Defense Ministry to explore different solutions to the acute problem. We already learned from the Defense Ministry spokesman Lt. Galileo Galilee that Filter on the Roof, the Israeli-American High Tech chemical giant (traded on Wall Street, operated from Gush Katif) has been contracted to deal with the problem.
We have learned as well from Lt. Galilee that Filter on the Roof has already come up with more than a few solutions. Although some of the solutions are rather radical, it is crucial to mention that they are all extremely innovative, as you would expect from an Israeli-American High Tech venture. Probably the most conventional and practical solution proposed by the chemical giant was to bore as many as six million ventilation holes in the roof. Peres, Peretz and Sh-Meretz rejected the possibility without even thinking twice. ?Considering our traumatic collective memory of the holocaust,? so they said, ?turning the Jewish State into a big room with holes in the ceiling is simply unacceptable.?
Probably the most radical suggestion made by the Israeli-American company was to train the Jewish population in Israel to breath like fish. By the time the Israeli people are well trained, all that is left to do is to just fill the Jewish bunker with seawater. In other words, Filter on the Roof suggested to turn the Israeli State into a ?giant Jewish tropical aquarium.? Though this option seems to be very radical and even inconceivable, most cabinet Ministers reacted enthusiastically. They all agreed that such a solution would fit nicely with the concept of modern Jewish life in general and Zionism in particular. Israelis love the sea. Israelis are not afraid of water. Once the entire Israeli society is covered with water, no one would ever consider throwing them to the sea.
We will be following this developing story and keeping you informed.
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